Fashion Don'ts.

Fashion Don’ts




15 Rules for Dressing Yourself

Or: Things your mom never told you but probably should've.


1. A sports bra is not a top. Hence the word "bra". I don't care how hot it is outside. I don't care if your skin is actually boiling off your bones as you read this. You can still wear a shirt.

2. Men. Speedos. Really? Out of hundreds of styles of swimwear, you picked up a banana hammock and said "Yes, this feels right." Are you a blind tourist or do you just hate eyes?

3. Tweety bird does not belong anywhere on your clothing. Unless the look you're going for is "Winnebago Warrior", your attire should be WB-free. This ESPECIALLY applies to Taz tattoos.

4. Women, your skin should never be darker than your hair. Remember this rule if you don't want to resemble your handbag in your mid thirties.

5. College age girls are the worst dressed people in the world who are not currently homeless. No one wants to see your pajama bottoms and bunny slippers out in public, particularly if it's already noon.

6. Remember, comfortable doesn't always equal "should be seen outside of the house, or even through an open window". Sometimes it's a sign to others that you have, in fact, slept in those pants.

7. Anyone who's ever seen the movie "Big Daddy" knows why you don't let your kids dress themselves.

8. Men, cologne from the supermarket is not your friend. And unless your choice of mate is a lowland gorilla, you should run briskly from anything labeled "Musk".

9. Face tattoos pretty much tell the world you make bad life choices. If it's a path Mike Tyson's been down, it's probably a good one to avoid.

10. If it looks like your sixth grade art teacher would have worn it, it's time to burn it. Caftans and wooden jewelry the size of dinner plates have never been in, ever.

11. Purple and orange are the team colours of sexual dysfunction.

12. God put hair on men's toes as a sign they weren't to be aired in public. Sure, shoes are a bummer in the summer, but so is looking at acres and acres of hobbit feet.

13. Star Wars is a litmus test for dorks. If Boba Fett is on your shirt, you don't need a date.

14. Sir, if the hem of your t-shirt extends below your crotch, you are wearing a dress.

15. If you have a visor on your head, you'd better be serving me a tennis ball or a large order of fries.

I'm Beqi. I'm just doing my job to make the world a more beautiful place, one Six Flags patron at a time.